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Sep 08 2020 1:22pm
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"Jokes and Humor"

Started by RAMMEL, August 21, 2016, 07:49:54 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

angelface555


angelface555


angelface555

SMART Dogs Showing Off Their Problem Solving Skills

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQEmjNqwZRk


Amy


Lost Words From Our Childhood

Mergatroyd!    Do you remember that word?  Would you believe the spell-checker did not recognize the word Mergatroyd?  Heavens to Mergatroyd!

The other day a not so elderly (I say 75) lady said something to her son about driving a   Jalopy;     and he looked at her quizzically and said, "What the heck is a Jalopy?"  He had never heard of the word jalopy!  She knew she was old ... But not that old.

Well, I hope you are     Hunky Dory     after you read this and chuckle.

About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology.  These phrases included:    Don't touch that dial, Carbon copy, You sound like a broken record, and Hung out to dry.

Back in the olden days we had a lot of     moxie   .  We'd put on     our best bib and tucker   ,     to

straighten up and fly right.

Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers!     Jumping Jehosofat!   Holy Moley!

We were     in like Flynn     and    living the life of Riley   ; and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a    knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill.      Not for all the tea in China!

Back in the olden days, life used to be     swell,     but when's the last time anything was swell?    Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the DA.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and pedal pushers.

Oh, my aching back!    Kilroy was here,     but he isn't anymore.

We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say,    "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!"  Or,     "This is a fine kettle of fish!"     We discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.

Poof,     go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind.  We blink, and they're gone.  Where have all those great phrases gone?

Long gone:     Pshaw,     The milkman did it.    Hey!  It's your nickel.    Don't forget to pull the chain.     Knee high to a grasshopper.    Well, Fiddlesticks!      Going like sixty.       I'll see you in the funny papers.  Don't take any wooden nickels.    Wake up and smell the roses.

It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than     Carter has liver pills.     This can be disturbing stuff! (Carter's Little Liver Pills are gone too!)

Leaves us to wonder where Superman will find a phone booth...

See ya later, alligator!    Okidoki.

You'll notice they left out    "Monkey Business"!!!
I can't change the direction of the wind,
but I can adjust my sails
to always reach my destination.

Jimmy Dean

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers

Amy

TWELVE COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS
 
#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.
 
#2 - "In Style" are the clothes that still fit.
 
#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop ticking you off.
 
#4 - Your people skills are just fine It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
 
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."
 
#6 - "On time" is when you get there.
 
#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
 
#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
 
#9 - Lately, You've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
 
#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
 
#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
 
#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age, and hope you never will.
 
And the golden rule: "One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.
I can't change the direction of the wind,
but I can adjust my sails
to always reach my destination.

Jimmy Dean

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers

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