"Jokes and Humor"

[angelface555]

I need to take up yoga!      

[angelface555]

[angelface555]

[Amy]

Aww..that is so sweet!!!

[angelface555]

A priest, rabbit, rabbi and minister walk into a Red Cross. The rabbit says, "I might be a typo."

[Amy]

[angelface555]

[angelface555]

[angelface555]

[Mary Ann]

Patricia, they're all funny and I loved them all.

Mary Ann

[Amy]

[Amy]

Patricia, love the funnies.....especially the dog/squirrel one..

[Amy]

[Amy]

[Amy]

When you care enough to send the very best .... forget chocolates

[Amy]

Why I Like Retirement !!!

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday



Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep in the recliner.


Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.



Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.Very true


Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.Sometimes 15%



Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.


Question:Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer:They are the only ones who have the time.



Question:What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer:NUTS!So true


Question:Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer:They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.



Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.


Question:What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.


Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.



Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.




And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

[angelface555]

[angelface555]

[Amy]

After being retired for a couple of years and completing all the jobs my wife had lined up for me, I began to feel somewhat useless and decided to enroll in a couple of courses at the local adult-education school. I noted, upon registration, that there was no tuition fee for a person over 60. As I handed my tediously-filled-out papers to the clerk, I announced, "I'm 63." Then, pulling out my wallet, I asked if she wanted to see my driver's license. She replied, "No, that's okay."
 
A little surprised, I asked, "Oh, do I look honest?"
 
"No," she answered. "You look 63."
 
 
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I found New York City immense and confusing on my first trip there. One evening during the rush hour, I stopped at a newsstand in the heart of Times Square and asked the vendor which direction was north.
 
"Look, buddy," he replied in a loud and annoyed voice. "We go uptown, we got downtown, and we got cross-town. We don't got north."
 
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I had volunteered to help my cousin with moving to a new town house. Loading the truck went fast, but several of us had to ride in the truck, so the cab of our rented moving truck was crowded.
 
Too crowded, as there was no room left for my cousin's enormous, black, Great Dane in the cab. So, laughing, we put him in the driver's seat of the pickup we were towing.
 
Once on the road, there was a sudden eruption of noise. We looked back to see the Dane's huge paws resting on the horn while he howled in protest.
 
As we were about to pull over, another car came alongside the driver, rolled down his window and hollered, "Hey, lady! .... Why don't you let him pass?"
 

The only thing you have to give up
is your excuses.
If you are tired of starting over,
 stop giving up. –
Shia Labeouf

[angelface555]

[angelface555]

[angelface555]

[angelface555]

[angelface555]

"Why don't you let him pass?"

[Amy]

Sending bacon one to my son! Thank you!!

[Amy]

[Amy]

[Amy]

[Amy]

[Amy]