Jackie, my condolences to you on the loss of your Richard.  It has not quite been a year since I lost my husband of almost 57 years, to a sudden heart attack. I am currently participating in a wonderful program, GriefShare, and I don't think it is available in your country. It may be, GriefShare.org might give you information.  Jackie, I know from recent personal experience that you are bereft, and I can only say, take everything slowly, accept help from your friends, and don't be afraid to "ask" for help. I have a list of readings that might be helpful for you, the list was provided to me by another of our S&F friends.  I will provide the list if you wish, just Private Message me and I'll send it to you.

MaryAnn, Marilyne and others, 04-11-2019

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8yFroT_nZc   Lake Superior - April Noreaster 2019

Wild times in Duluth Cam yesterday, 04-11-2018    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taU1yJttvSw

Also, my computer cat;

https://www.seniorsandfriends.org/index.php?msg=153493

We are having a nice day.  We drove over the bridge to Destin yesterday and I got a couple plants.  We are getting our good weather now, but when many of you are enjoying summer we will be suffering the heat or staying in the AC.

Well, it is time for me to go fix our meal.  Today is spaghetti.  We had that a couple of days ago but I still have some sauce left so just have to cook the spaghetti.

Jackie, you are on my mind and I know you are having a hard time.  Glad to see Larry checking in.  Mary Ann, some of those ships are coming in much too early for me.  I'll be glad when that area isn't so forlorn looking.  Not much sunshine in the Midwest today.  But I'm sure glad for the sunshine here today.

Joy, I hope everything goes well with your visit with the grandchildren.  I would love another visit to one of those restaurants at the Inner Harbor.  Just thinking about those crab cakes is making me more hungry.

The Duluth Harbor has had a Nor'easter and everything seemed to be at a stand-still this morning.  There's an awesome video of the storm blowing in on the Home link at the top of the webcam page.
Has anyone else clicked the new Silver Bay Marina link?  It rotates an area for private boats on past Two Harbors.  Should be fun to watch this summer.

I've been having trouble getting into one of the mailboxes in my e-mail.  Finally "consulted" this morning with the nicest Tech person at Cox who patiently and calmly walked me through the process of getting everything straightened out.  Now everything is synced with my p.c. and my Tablet.

Still having issues with squirrels getting into the sunflower seeds by "trampolining" from the holly bush to the feeder.  I read that mixing hot pepper flakes with the seeds will chase them off but not bother the birds.  Did that this morning and hope I catch a little critter getting his/her first taste!  <evil chuckle>

Central Oklahoma has had wind and dust the past few days - and freezing temperatures last night.  Today is nice but heavy steady rain is supposed to move in overnight and cover the entire state all day tomorrow.  There might even be a bit of snow in the panhandle and far northwestern part of the state.
I have desk work to do and "fix ahead" food to prepare so I'm set for an inside day.

Sending  Hugs to Everyfriend Everywhere with thoughts for courage and strength to Jackie.

Callie, if you didn't see it, Patricia posted a link to the Nor'easter going north from Duluth and the wind was fierce.  The link is down a few posts from here.  I just went to the Duluth Canal and found an ice breaker working its way toward the harbor.  Nephew Tom sent me a link to the storm in Duluth, but it was less than a minute and Patricia's was five minutes long.  Fascinating to watch, especially when you're not in the middle of it.  We are windy today, but not bad and no snow - yet!

Mary Ann

Mary Ann,  I read too fast and didn't catch Patricia's link but caught the storm in progress yesterday.
I've begun checking the Home link for various videos and comments by whoever is in charge of the cams.  All sorts of interesting information.

Took me quite awhile but finally got a few of the cams for Duluth.  Very time consuming for sure.

More on Duluth's Noreaster 04-11-2019

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRWYnE91TPM

Patricia,I keep forgetting tothankyou for the link to the webcams from Africa.  I'm enjoying the videos as much as the live cams.  Thank you!

The Duluth weather yesterday is very interesting, probably more so because we didn't have bad weather, just overcast with a bit of rain.

Thanks for the videos.  This last one must have been taken from the bridge although the last part could have been taken from the lighthouse.  Those swells were "something else' with their rises and falls.  Thanks, again.

Mary Ann

I am not going to post much today as I have a terrible neck pain.  It was hurting a bit yesterday and kept me awake most of the night, leaving me a lot of awake time to be thinking about Jackie. Most of the day off and on have been spent going through pictures looking for the pictures we took when we were with Jackie and Richard in London.  Sadly we can not find any more than the one's with Jackie and me. 😢 I am so disappointed.  I wanted to have it for you, Jackie.  We will keep looking. 

Around noon, I started to get up an$ all of a sudden a pain shot through my neck.....I screeched...I can not hardly move with out horrible pain.  Bob has a neck pillow the he uses....he put it around my neck and I have just sat still.....so afraid to move.....if I start to I find out it is not a good thing.  Bob thinks it is stress.....I hope that is all it is. 

Michele's hair has completely fallen out and it is hard on her to accept, however she told Dave that it would be so much worse for those with breast cancer as they have that plus have lost a breast.😢. There is always someone so much worse off than we are.  She did get a wig and feels it will help her to feel a bit better about herself. 

I have to stop....I am sorry.

Have a good evening and hugs to you JACKIE. 

Sorry, I just cant get around to reading any posts yet but...I know I am in a mess...I just feel that I am going to rot away...Tw o nights I have slept in my same day clothes...For the first time late yesterday I did put the tv on, catched up on two Coronations Streets but found I was getting tired before I could watch th third so did take myself to bed, not sure what time think it was 11pm..Couldnt belive I must have slept straight through, not even a get up to bladder empty, and woke up surprised at 9.am...I have never slept to 9.am, my first thought was shocked, surprised, I was about to go tell Richard and see if he was up also, then It dawned on me, there is no Richard, the home is empty...Then there was a knock at the door, my male neighbour from across the road, the one of two people whao are taking it in turns walking Toby, this time he was just going to get the paper, something he and Richard would take turns doing on a Sunday, I said no, I dont read the paper but, would you be so kind as to post this letter for me, I had it on the floor with the dog lead all ready, I told him this is to my Daughter, he is aware we are estranged, I just have to tell her my sad news, and for the first time I have included my adress and phone number, I really dont know if I have done the right thing as at one time back at our old address both me and Richard came home to a telephone message calling me a selfish c**nt for passing on my MS to her, my grandson and my then future great grandchild, this was part of why I chose to move away so far, now of course I need to get back, well this is where Richards family is...Richards sister and I have been in touch over the phone, she says she is coming down to me, and she is notifying our solicitor who is local to them, she has all the details as I do...She is also going to notify Vauxhall to come collect the car...I am terrified of my future, and being struck out here alone...Richard was my ROCK, I so relied on him, well for everything, he never turned anything down, lifts no matter what the mileage to my MS socials, dentists, and we was just about starting to have some afternoon morning and evening bingo fun, this has all come to an end, no transport, too far, stuck down in the valleys, one needs a car...I am terrified and frightened...Again once neighbour had left and I told him I had just gotten up, I immediately fed Toby, I opened the back door to let Toby out to do his toilet, he done some, i attempted to go out to clear it up, but the grass is on a slope once I climb up two decking steps, and I couldnt do it, had to come back for my stick, and then the crying started as I couldnt even do that, Richard always done it..I just cant manage by myself, I so took him for granted, for everything, I just cant believe he has left me, I know this would have been the last thing he evr wanted to do, was to leave me in this mess..No other neighbours seem to be checking up on me, just him and the newish lady whos hubby has walking problems so she walks her dog..
I wont even get under the shower with no Richard here to check I am out ok..
I see all Richards clothes, all his tops hanging on the outside of the wardrobe, dirty underwear socks and pants in the washing basket, folded jumpers on the drawer, his large filled plastic carrier of all his medications I have left on his bed, at least he doesnt have to go through this rigmaroles of pill popping, inhaler, eye drops anymore, the bag is absolutely full, I often told him if anything was the kill him it would be all the meds he was on...all the stuff he was putting into his body...even that worried me, it didnt worry him..I think he may have had a heart attack, I wasnt there in that room with him, maybe if I had been he would still be here...
I was always moaning at him, he could never do right for trying..I know I loved him more than I ever let on, just never told him so, it is too late....he would never let me down..he knew he was all I had...
I was calling out Toby, where are you, found him on Richards bed at his pillow, I have just been on his bed crying, and cuddling Toby and talking to Richard, why did you leave me, I was meant to go first...you had made a promise to me, my three dogs ashes you would scatter with mine, who is going to do that now? It was meant to be me, not him..

I think I may have been stronger yesterday but I just want to now go with him...Toby is on his bed next to hs pillow, I just keep crying and telling Toby he's not coming back, he.s not coming back.. Im just torturing mysel, did he have a heart attack? why wasnt I in the room with him? he might be here now if I had been..was I to blame? their was nothing out of the ordinary that I nor the pet groomer noticed..whatever it was it must have been sudden..perhaps he didn't even know..they all said he looked peaceful...now I am the one who is suffering..I even need Toby here, otherwise I dont think anyone else will set foot here from this site..I dont know what to do with myself I feel worse today than I did yesterday..

Please pray for me, please either pray to help me see through this or to take me...this wasn't meant to be this way..I was meant to go first, not him..

I feel totally isolated down in the valley parkhomes, one neighbour across the way, one new neighbour way down the bottom are taking it in turns walking Toby, nearest neighbour says he cant walk Toby tomorrow, no one else has even been near me, even my neighbours  must be seeing seeing the mess I am, the same clothes, crying, but no one seems interested in me, no one comes in, nor sits or comforts me...am i expecting too much, I really could do with an arm around me...they all have their own lives...I said to Richard so many times, if anything happened to you, who will come to help, one man Allan did dies on this site and no one even knew, and then there was only that park manage myself and Richard and a hubby and wife down below who turned up, I told Richard this is not a community of people getting together...
I left a lengthy phone message to Richards sister, she lives back home, she is 9 years older than Richard at 83, I poured my heart out on the message that after all this just want to come back home, I need their help, I want to be near Richards family..I'm just so frightened I cant see my future without him in it...please come back even for our arguments....
No one here is even coming near me, or the ones  that are walking Toby, no one seems to be giving me the time of day, no one to sit with me, hug me...that is what I am needing now.there is no one, I just want to sit with someone, talk and have a hug...just crying and going crazy....where is everyone. I always told Richard I dont think this is a caring community
...two condolence card, no contact phone numbers...

Edited> the lovely friendly post lady we both loved just dropped of a parcel, she listened to me unloading everything and gave me a hug...

Jackie, tears came to my eyes as I read your posts.  I am sure it is hard when you live in the kind of community you describe.  I am happy you have Toby even if you cannot walk him because he is a tie to Richard. 

Will there be any service for Richard?

Feel free to post your feelings, both good and bad, here.  The only hugs we can give will be cyber hugs, but they will be genuine and you will know we care. 

{{{hugs}}}

Mary Ann

Good Morning.

Oh Jackie,  my heart is just breaking for you.  There aren't many words that I can say to you that will make you feel better.  Just try to keep taking one day, one hour, one minute at a time.  Just know that your many friends in here are keeping you in their prayers.  Things do get better, but I know that is so hard for you to understand right now.  I hope Richard's sister will be able to visit you and help you take care of things. Will you be having any kind of a service or funeral for him?

Please take care of yourself.

Joy

Many of you are older than me so not my place to be giving out advise but...whatever you do, stop complaining, picking faults,  moaning to your loved ones, kiss and hug them, and if like me and Richard you weren't kissers ad huggers, start doing it right NOW....life is too short for regrets...I cant put back the clock..I just want him back...I need him...I just want to put everything right and tell him I didn't mean all the nasty things I said to him...I so much want to tell him that deep down I did have love for him....now he will never know..I even told him I want my ashes scattered amongst trees and birds along with the ashes of my three dogs, when I touched on this subject of where does he want his ashes, he said he wasn' too bothered, I said surely you would want to be in the crem where your brother mother and fathers are, he said he wasn't too bothered where they were..I always told him I will try my best to get his ashes back home..Now I am wanting my ashes to also be with him, but I dont think there is trees and woodland there, they may of course be birds...He never had any beliefs about the after life, I had my strong beliefs, I have even walked around the home asking him if I was right or was he, I am wanting him to tell me which one of us was right...Does our sole-spirit leave our body, does someone come for us, could he still see me, could he see all the medics working around his body on the floor, how long and hard they worked on him?

Just dont leave yourself with regrets...when time has run out - or it is too late...

Hi everyone.  I am just checking in this morning as not feeling like posting more.

Larry, we're always glad to hear from you and know you are at least up if not atem.

Jackie, please don't be so hard on yourself.  What's done is done and you can't undo it, nor can you bring Richard back. With your MS, it is necessary for you to take care of yourself, eat right and get some sleep.  In time you can make decisions as to what you will do. 

{{{HUG}}}

Mary Ann

Dear Jackie - Hugs coming through cyberspace to surround you with warmth and strength.  It's so difficult for you now, but you know that Richard loves you, and wants you to carry on. Try to stay as calm as possible, and accept the help and comfort from those who offer it to you.  I will be thinking about you, as will all of your friends here in S&F.   

We've been kind of busy here this morning.  We bought some light fixtures for the two bathrooms and an electrician came today to install them.  Two of three sockets went bad in the upstairs bath (mine) and I had a fluorescent bulb in the one remaining socket.  It was like walking into a darkened room with a little light with that bulb.  Now I can see "forever"!  Wow, what a change.  I am sure the downstairs bath was and is the same.  Since we had the equipment, what we paid for was mostly labor although some parts were changed for too.  Two very happy people.

I used my time watching the Duluth canal because there were four or rive, maybe six, ships that arrived this morning.  Tom thought they might have been stalled because of the ice.  There still is one ship out on the lake that will come in later tonight.

Lots of whitecaps near shore at Grand Haven.

The sun is out and no sign of any kind of precip today.

Mary Ann

Today is a beautiful day.  Supposed to reach 80 this afternoon.  Tomorrow is going to be a major rain day according to the weatherman so we will enjoy the sun today.  The neighbor man is a painter so we hired him to paint the house trim.  He is busy with the preparation and enjoying his country music while working. 😁

This neighborhood is so quiet they can use a little noise.  Jenny I hope your neck pain eases.  I'm very careful with my back but I twisted the wrong way a couple of days ago and felt that dreaded painful snap.  I took an Advil and rested and it is ok now.  I really miss being young and energetic and getting out in the yard or going on a nice fast walk.  But not complaining as I have much to be thankful for.

Mary Ann, things are still looking cold in your area, but it won't be long before you will be having some pretty weather.  I'm glad that Larry was at least able to check in.  I wonder how Pat is doing?  The last we heard was that she was going to have to eat strained food the rest of her life.  That doesn't sound good.

Marilyne, how is Sandy doing?  I know her friend's death must have been hard.  You should be having some better weather soon

As Jackie mentioned in one of her posts, it is important to love and respect those around us so at least there are no regrets as to our own actions.

My husband buys dried mealworms for the bluebirds and the big grackles were coming in and eating them all. He said this is getting expensive.  So I found a pretty bluebird feeder where you put the mealworms in and larger birds can't get into it.  At first I thought oh that might have been a waste of money, but a couple of days ago I was watching out the window and saw a bluebird go in and eat.  This morning I saw a little Chickadee in there.  Didn't even know they would eat mealworms.  I can sit on the back porch and most of the birds will come to feed and just look me over as if to say "who are you?"  All of the  Goldfinches are gone for the summer.  And now the big grackles are going somewhere else to feed.  A flock of those can eat a lot of food.

Hope GloriaDe is doing ok.  Beverly, are you still playing golf? And how are you?  I thought about you when watching the Masters last evening.

I am going to pieces, no one has come to see me, and just come off the phone from Richards sister, she isn't going to get to me for a couple of weeks..She has also gone back on what she said to me yesterday, she is denying she even said it about I am part of the family...now she cant answer that because she isn't sure..although she is also saying she didn't say it yesterday...She is helping as much as she can from her end but in reality it is for her brother ( which I understand of course he was) and not actually because she and her hubby cares for me, even when I asked them that once this is all over, asked, no I begged still believing what she said to me yesterday that I was part of the family, if she=they the family will help me sell up and get back home near to them, she cant even guarantee doing that.....

Jean, it's about 50 degrees here now and looking at the Weather Channel, things are warming up.  One day next week, it should be near 60 degrees and I can take that!

I wish we had bluebirds around here.  When I had a cottage, one neighbor built and put up bluebird houses so I saw some then.  The condo association prefers that we not put up bird feeders but when I used to, the squirrels would get into them so now I don't bother.  Where I sit, I cannot see them, but now in the mornings, I heard the mourning doves and sometimes see the very young ones.  Soon the cat and I will be able to sit out on the deck.  Maybe Tom will bring up the cushions next week but I want 70-degree temps to enjoy sitting out there.  After the first of June, I can take the cat grass out and it will grow.

I gave away a lot of my plants and I'll put what is left out on the deck in June and watch them thrive!

Because the electrician came around 9 am today, I was unable to take my shower and wash my hair.  It is now 1:20 and I think I'll do it now.  Tom usually is gone when I shower but his car died and he has no transportation so he's home. 

Jackie, I don't know what to say because I feel very helpless in that I can't do a thing for you from this distance.  My age doesn't help either.  I'm sorry you don't have at least one friend nearby who could help you through this sad time.  I do want to say we here are all very good listeners and can give some advice if you care to listen.

Mary Ann

I posted this ealier but never posted it as afternoon dog walking friend came to walk Toby and another on site friend from down the bottom came to see me, at least he did come in, gave me a hug, and another hug as he left, he sat down and spent quite some time with me just talking about Richard about how he seemed, what he talked about recently, me, about what happened on the day and his medical issues leading up to it, he, basically things that Richard had told him when out walking Toby.....he also said after I had asked him if he will give Toby a morning walk as my neighbour across the way says he cant do it tomorrow morning...

I am going to pieces, no one has come to see me, and just come off the phone from Richards sister, she isn't going to get to me for a couple of weeks..She has also gone back on what she said to me yesterday, she is denying she even said it about I am part of the family...now she cant answer that because she isn't sure..although she is also saying she didn't say it yesterday...She is helping as much as she can from her end but in reality it is for her brother ( which I understand of course, ) and not actually because she and her hubby cares for me, even when I asked them that once this is all over, I asked, no I begged, still believing what she said to me yesterday that I was part of the family, if she they the family will help me sell up and get back home near to them, she cant even guarantee doing that.....Have you ever felt unloved - unwanted?

Hi Jackie
You are going through your darkest hours and those of us who have experienced a tragic loss such as yours share your sorrow and pain.  There is no easy way to see it through other than to draw strength and support from your internet friends who truly care and support you in this difficult time. Please count me among those friends.
I pray that Richard's memory will be a blessing to you.
Don.

Jackie....I don't usually comment on this site...But....My husband passed 6 years ago...I tell you truefully...GOD helped me through this terrible loss...and if you ask Him he will hold you close and never leave you...I miss my husband of 54 years...But I know I will see him again...when God calls me home....love and hugs to you....with Jesus...you can do this....CC

CC, like you, I rarely post in here but agree with your advice to Jackie.  My husband also died 6 years ago (7/2/13) and I had had open heart surgery 5 months before.  I really didn't have time for re-hab because he was not strong enough to be driving in "city" traffic, I couldn't tell the doctors or they would have been forced to report his condition to have his license revoked & my surgeon wouldn't sign my release to drive for 30 days.

We  got married in 1954 so had 59 years, almost 60. Between the two of us we built a house & raised 3 kids, moved quite a few times and it was a shock to not have that other half of me doing HIS share of the work!  By the time my kids left I had made up my mind that God had given me extra years and I was going to show Him that I would make the best of them. 

We get no guarantees, that replaced heart valve needs to be replaced again & will check first to see if stents are needed. This time I have 3 feral cats that have been spoiled by me for 9 years, will hide from anyone that comes. Food put outside just attracts other wild animals so a danger to the cats.  My sons will fill the dry feeder every day I am in the hospital... will take a stay for each procedure although the Cardio said I could go home the same day after the Cath & stents.  The brochure given me does NOT agree with that.  My daughter will come to town for the valve replacement, that is supposed to be a 3-4 night stay (not what the Google links say)... She will try to feed the cats, at least be here to put food out to see if they come to eat.  No easy way to handle everything without a little help, is there?

Jackie, you mentioned not reading the posts so not sure you will think about what I'm going to say.  You do have to change your thinking because none of us could replace the people we lost so we had to concentrate on what we had left.  You have a nice place to live with a spare bedroom, wonder how many women in your area would love to share your home and in turn be able to help you a little each day?  Even if you kept the car, maybe a "renter" could drive you to your appointments and places for you both to enjoy.  Many people have combined  resources and find not just helping but actually enjoying life.  Think about it.  Not many are lucky enough to have a family member that can share their life. 

My guess is Richard's sister was frightened by the thought of taking care of someone else, maybe she has difficulty taking care of herself.  Sadly, that is why so many of us older people move to the retirement places, we want to be in control but need help.  I don't know how they are in England but nearly everyone I know lives in them and loves the convenience of having most of the chores taken care of.  Most around here allow pets but I expect you'd have to pay someone to walk Toby.  Keep an open mind to what you do want and what you can manage on your own. 

Hi, Don, are you beginning to feel like you are "home" and enjoy being around people? Sounds like you have a wonderful place to live... I know, you had to part with a big part of your life to move. I dread that part and my kids dread it even more.....haha, they have to clean out my years of hoarding! We saved everything growing up, as "depression babies" (our teachers called us), and then WWII. That mode got stuck with me.

For Jenny ( Denver ) this is the photo of us, do you have the other half, the missing half, the half that has Bob and Richard, it is a photo of Richard that I am wanting, needing..Sorry this is the only way I could get this photo to you, I tried emailing but it wasnt working...You had sent me this quite recently as a reminder of the day we met..

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