"Jokes and Humor"

Amy · March 22, 2022, 10:21:35 AM

Did Jonah cry when the whale swallowed him?

Answer
He thought he was going to blubber, but he didn't.

donklan · April 06, 2022, 06:09:24 PM

: For those who thought you knew everything

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for 3 years.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps.
They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age!
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo DaVinci invented scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite .
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only 6 inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left
(palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only 4 words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are 2 words in the English language that have all 5 vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every 2 weeks; otherwise it would digest itself.
NOW YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!

RAMMEL · April 06, 2022, 07:45:34 PM

Don,
Those are interesting
Another tidbit - If you shave every day (about 20 min/day + prep) for 50 years you will spend about 8.5 Months doing that. So between driving to work every day and shaving, a person wastes a lot of time.

donklan · April 06, 2022, 09:42:52 PM

It certainly adds up...

so_P_bubble · April 10, 2022, 10:38:10 AM

When The Baby Cries

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman has a baby.
All of her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the new mom says, "Not yet!" A little later, they ask to see the baby again
Once more, she says, "Not yet!"
Finally they ask, "When the heck can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries!"
"Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
Mom says, "Because I forgot where I put it!"

Amy · April 17, 2022, 09:00:06 AM

Q. What do rabbits have that nothing else in the world has?
A. Baby rabbits.

Q. What kind of book do baby rabbits like at bedtime? A. One with a hoppy ending.

Q. What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. A Hot Cross bunny.

Q: What do you call rabbits that marched in a long sweltering Easter parade?
A: Hot, cross bunnies.

Q: Why are bunnies always tired in April?
A: Because they just finished a March.

Q: Do you know how bunnies stay in shape?
A: Hareobics.

Q: How do bunnies stay healthy?
A: Eggercise

Q. What is a rabbit's favorite dance?
A. The Bunny Hop of course.

Q. Why can't a rabbit's nose be twelve inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot.

Happy Easter! What?

Amy · April 23, 2022, 12:42:22 PM

Where do cows go on Saturday night?

Answer

To the moo-vies!

Amy · April 24, 2022, 10:18:25 AM

What do you get from a nervous cow?

Answer

A milkshake.

RAMMEL · May 24, 2022, 09:07:18 PM

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." – Bill Watterson

I'm responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there. 🦠

It's not my age that bothers me, it's the side effects.

I'm not saying I'm old and worn out, but I make sure I'm nowhere near the curb on trash day.

As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of .. it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Me, sobbing: "I'm not coming back here anymore ... I'm not going to let you hurt me again."
My Trainer: "It was one sit-up."

As I've gotten older, people think I've become lazy. The truth is I'm just being more energy efficient.

I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four U.S. presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round...and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

Apparently, RSVP-ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found "Mute" by now.

So, you've been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won't take the vaccine because you don't know what's in it?

Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if you're still a dumbass.

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is, once you get old you stop being polite and start being honest.😇🙏👍

so_P_bubble · August 07, 2022, 06:01:28 AM

Murphy's Laws of Computing:

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer or program, it's probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human.. to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.

7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.

9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

Amy · September 05, 2022, 09:43:48 AM

The Doberman and The Lion

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the lion, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the lion.

The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Brilliance only comes with Age and Experience.

Amy · September 17, 2022, 07:21:00 AM

Gardening Tips.. thumbnail (2).jpg Gardening tips.jpg

so_P_bubble · October 01, 2022, 03:37:16 AM

so_P_bubble · October 04, 2022, 04:33:16 AM

so_P_bubble · October 12, 2022, 09:20:43 AM

so_P_bubble · January 19, 2023, 10:28:21 AM

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

RAMMEL · February 02, 2023, 11:13:15 AM

Mary Rose
Sat on a Rose
Mary rose.

so_P_bubble · February 02, 2023, 11:15:56 AM

Vanilla-Jackie · July 19, 2023, 01:17:28 AM

Just because we are old, doesn't mean we are daft...

An old man was a witness in a robbery case, The defence lawyer asked him, did you see my client commit the robbery?
Yes i did answered the old man.
Can you be absolutely certain it was my client continued the lawyer, lets not forget the robbery took place at night.
I am definitely sure it was him said the old man, I got a good look at him.
You may think you did, persisted the lawyer but, you are 81 years old and the suspect was standing on the other side of the street, just exactly how far can you see, particularly at night.
Well replied the old man, i can see the MOON, is that far enough for you..

so_P_bubble · August 28, 2023, 06:56:06 AM

'

so_P_bubble · August 28, 2023, 06:58:09 AM

.

Amy · January 04, 2024, 10:29:02 AM

Puns. Corny and funny

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.

I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.

If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Now that's humerus.

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.

Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven.

I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said,

"That lizard is really funny!" He replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand-up chameleon."

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.

Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can only hummus one.

Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court... it was a brief case.

How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it's on the house.

My friend said she wouldn't eat cow's tongue because it came out of a cow's mouth. I gave her an egg.

Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler.

Ran out of toilet paper, now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, and tomorrow romaines to be seen.

My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right...Jack and the beans talk.

I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. You probably have not heard of herbivore.

I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.

Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker. That's right. The steaks were pretty high.

I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work.

I once dated a guy who broke up with me because I only have 9 toes. Yes, he was lack toes intolerant.

RAMMEL · January 04, 2024, 06:18:00 PM

RAMMEL · January 04, 2024, 06:27:22 PM

This is a singles ad which appeared in a local paper:
"SBF( single, black, female) Seeks Male companionship. Age and ethnicity unimportant. I'm a young, svelte, good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting/camping/fishing trips. I love cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours."
Call 555-2525 and ask for Daisy.
The phone number was that of the Humane Society, and Daisy was an eight week old black Labrador retriever. They received 643 calls in two days.

Amy · January 05, 2024, 07:14:11 AM

GREAT ad!!! Someone was thinking..

RAMMEL · January 05, 2024, 10:36:19 AM

Old, but ain't they all ---

Statistics - The Dangers of Bread

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after only two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers.

so_P_bubble · January 06, 2024, 10:06:23 AM

Jokes about getting old:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Women rarely admit their age; men rarely act it.

I'm so old that my first car was a covered wagon.

How come everyone my age seems older than me?

I'm at the age where I can't keep up with all the things I hate.

A wise man remembers a woman's birthday but never her age.

I'm so old I can remember when emojis were called hieroglyphics.

Regular naps will prevent old age, especially if taken whilst driving.

Ageing gracefully is the polite way of saying you're slowly looking worse.

You know you're old when dining out means catching the early bird special.

We were so poor growing up we could only listen to Simon or Garfunkel.

You know you're old when people call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"

I believe in loyalty. So, when I got to a certain age I decided to stick with it.

My wife's so vain, she'd rather pay full price than admit she's a senior citizen.

I'd like to say I'm ageing like fine wine but in my case, it's more like a fine banana.

I like older women because they're used to life's disappointments, so they're ready for me.

When you're old, getting lucky is walking into a room and remembering exactly why you're there.

Old age is when your old classmates are so grey, wrinkled and bald that they no longer recognize you.

If it's your birthday today, you should congratulate yourself. Especially if you're still able to remember it.

The older I get, the more cults make perfect sense. Do you know how hard it is to make friends as an adult?

RAMMEL · January 06, 2024, 11:04:46 AM

~Geezerdom~

Those of us entering geezerdom will appreciate this. For those who are not,
look at what you missed and aren't you glad.
"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast
food when you were growing up?" "We didn't have fast food when I was growing
up," I informed him. "All the food was slow." "C'mon, seriously.
Where did you eat?" "It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Grandma
cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together
at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I
was allowed to sit there until I did like it."
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to
suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I
had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I
would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have
handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf
course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later
years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good
only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there
is no Roebuck anymore.
Maybe he died.
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we
never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds,
and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house
until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course,
black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the
screen.
The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like
grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes
of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had
a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.
I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza; it was called "pizza pie." When I
bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung
down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the
best pizza I ever had.
We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family
was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the
living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to
listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the
line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was. All newspapers were
delivered by boys, and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered newspaper,
six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I
had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, had to collect the 42
cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50
cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the
ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies.
Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they
didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies.
French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to
share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren.
Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it
used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend: My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she
died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the
bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately
what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make
it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end
of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam
irons.
Man, I am old.
How many do you remember? Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard. Heaters mounted on the inside of the
fire wall. Real ice-boxes. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. Using hand signals for cars
without turn signals.
Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you
were told about! (Ratings at the bottom)
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive-6933)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S&H Green Stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 -You're still young.
If you remembered 6-10 -You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 - Don't tell your age.
If you remembered 16-25 - You're older than dirt!

Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends....

Senility Prayer
"God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference."

Amy · January 06, 2024, 12:39:49 PM

Bubble and Rick, hope you don't mind but I am going to pass both these on!! How true they are...thank you for posting them.

Amy · January 06, 2024, 01:00:11 PM

Funny Quotes About Aging
1. "Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." – Oliver Wendell Holmes

2. "Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young." – Theodore Roosevelt

3. "You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." – George Burns

4. "You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely." – Ogden Nash

5. "Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." – Larry Lorenzoni

6. "I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap." – Bob Hope

7. "If I had known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." – Unknown

8. "I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere." – George Burns

9. "People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." – George Burns

10. "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?" – Satchel Paige

11. "The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it." – Doris Day

12. "By the time you're 80 years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it." – George Burns

13. "You don't stop laughing when you grow old. You grow old when you stop laughing." – George Bernard Shaw

14. "Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life." – Kitty O'Neill Collins

15. "You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred." – Woody Allen

16. "Age is a very high price to pay for maturity." – Tom Stoppard

17. "Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional." – Walt Disney

18. "Today is the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you'll ever be again." – Unknown

19. "Age is not how old you are but how many years of fun you've had." – Matt Maldre

20. "Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative." – Maurice Chevalier

21. "Life's tragedy is that we get too old soon and wise too late." – Benjamin Franklin

22. "I don't let my age define me but the side-effects are getting harder to ignore." – Unknown

23. "No one is as old as those who have outlived enthusiasm." – Henry David Thoreau

24. "There is still no cure for the common birthday." – John Glenn

25. "Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." – Mark Twain

Inspirational Aging Quotes
26. "The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes." – Frank Lloyd Wright

27. "We don't grow older, we grow riper." – Pablo Picasso

28. "I don't believe in aging. I believe in forever altering one's aspect to the sun." – Virginia Woolf

29. "It's like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit." – Elizabeth Lesser

30. "Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears." – John Lennon

31. "In the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." – Abraham Lincoln

32. "Getting old is a fascinating thing. The older you get, the older you want to get." – Keith Richards

33. "Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength." – Betty Friedan

34. "Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be." – Robert Browning

35. "When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day." – Marty Buccella

36. "Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week." – Maggie Kuhn

37. "Those who love deeply never grow old, they may die of old age, but they die young." – Ben Franklin

38. "To find joy in work is to discover the fountain of youth." – Pearl S. Buck

39. "Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old." – Franz Kafka

40. "Age is no barrier. It's a limitation you put on your mind." – Jackie Joyner-Kersee

41. "I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward." – Mary Sarton

42. "For the unlearned, old age is winter; for the learned, it is the season of the harvest." – Hasidic saying

43. "Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art." – Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

44. "Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age." – George Sand

45. "Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese." – Luis Bunuel

46. "Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter." – Satchel Paige

47. "That's another great thing about getting older. Your life is written on your face." – Frances McDormand

48. "Why would I worry about getting older – what's to moan about?" – Dawn French

49. "I'm just getting older and better." – Neal Schon

50. "If you're not getting older, you're dead." – Tom Petty

51. "Aging is just another word for living." – Cindy Joseph

52. "It's not how old you are. It's how you are old." – Jules Renard

53. "We are always the same age inside." – Gertrude Stein

54. "It matters not how long we live but how." – Phillip James Bailey

55. "The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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